dangerous liberty

The Alliance: New Filthy Lie Assignment: Evil Glenn’s Christmas

My ’sources’ tell me evil Glenn will be Elf Skeeting. Should his supply of elves be lacking, he will, of course settle on puppy skeet. I’m certain it is less satisfying than his puppy smoothies…but satisfying to his coal black heart nonetheless.

Got this in an email, no source, but funny:

At a small airport terminal in Texas, three strangers awaiting their shuttle flight start conversing about the recent worldly events. The strangers were of varying cultures. One was Native American. Another was a cowboy from West Texas. The other person was a devout Arab Muslim.

During their conversation, they began to discuss their cultural history. The Native American stated “once my people were many, now we are few.”

The Muslim then chimed in and said, “once my people were few and now we are many.”

The cowboy looked at the Muslim, shifted the toothpick in his mouth and said with a sly grin, “that’s ’cause we ain’t played Cowboys and Muslims yet.”

Some years ago, Glenn Reynolds was an obscure professor at a University for Hillbillies, UT (this is true), but something happened which flipped him and turned him into the Dark Lord of the Blogosphere (DLB). Something triggered the DLB deep inside Reynolds - something caused him to cease accepting comments and turned his dorky heart black as coal.

Alliance intel has long thought someone’s comments sent him over the edge into the dark abyss, but has had little in the way of solid proof.

Well, I’ve got the proof! After pouring over raw intel from Alliance archives and racking my brain for literally thousands of microseconds, I hit upon the idea that the comments had to be from someone who saw him in person.

Using a complex inverse transmorgifying algorythym and a tin of pickled possum, I hacked the UT data archives, found a bloated spatial anomoly within the deletion core, containing reams of swirling data, trapped for years.

With trembling hands I performed a triple lindy grep, using keywords: ‘Insta’, ‘pundit’, ‘puppy’, ‘blender’, ‘gringo’, ‘jesuit’, ‘milkman’, ‘gypsy’, ‘kibble’ and ‘okra’, finding NOTHING. Not one thing. Then it hit me! A word common to all UT grads! ‘Nekkid’!!! I hit pay dirt!

In response to this post, I found these comments:

I seen y’all steppin’ out and checkin’ the skies. I been watchin’ y’all for nights and days. Do y’alls readers know what you do at night? Durin’ the full moon? Yer readers is sure to go up if’n they knew y’all had a penchant for sippin’ mint juleps and chasin’ critters. Y’all is so cute, leapin’ and hoppin’ after them critters in y’all’s Incredible Hulk underoos! I likes them the best - the green contrasts well with y’all’s pasty white thighs! Thank the good lord y’all wasn’t nekkid! Talk about borealis!

signed, a sekrit admirerer (who loves possum too!)

Shortly after this, The DLB was born.